Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize