He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
