He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
