I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
