I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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