to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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