I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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