i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
