Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize