please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
God gave him joint rollers for hands
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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