Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
