I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
