like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
