That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
