Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
