I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
