just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
