just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
