Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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