Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
