Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
