Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
