i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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