Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Randomize
