So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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