Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
