all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
