I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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