No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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