I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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