I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
