we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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