I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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