Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
