I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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