Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
