Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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