Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
