You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
