You just made me feel so damn special
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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