i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Randomize
