we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize