He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
