is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
