genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
