I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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