There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
