so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
