I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
