i just wanna soil my oats bro
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize