Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
