sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
