I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I will pee on everything he values.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
