mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
