last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize