I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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