I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
