So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
