All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
