So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
