I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
How external is "for external use only"?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
