The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
