Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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