Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
