I got chris browned last night
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
