woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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