i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize