The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
