the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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