do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
