I think im going to throw up on grandma
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
