So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Randomize
