I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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