he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
