you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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