he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
