Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
