help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize