I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
