Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
