I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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