He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I love having hate sex.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
