We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
