I'm so fucking centered right now
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize