There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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