I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
