im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
